We barely mourn because we don’t have permission to fully
express our grief without being shushed, or told they’re in a ‘better place’ or
that they’re not dead, just transformed. Well fine. The dead may be alive
elsewhere (and I'm fairly sure that they are), but their warm flesh will forever
be missing from our arms once they have shrugged off their bodies. Mourning is
healthy natural, and useful. We may
find ourselves kinder, more attentive and more present to the living if we
face the reality that everyone we know will leave us someday- unless of course, we leave
them first. Death reminds us to Live- and to value and appreciate our loved ones today.
We live in a culture in which
death is seen as ‘failure’, rather than as a passage that we attend to with intention and the fullness of our presence. We have made
Death out to be a villain, the Bad Guy.
The Grim Reaper. Yet Hospice workers, those who live in the presence of Death constantly are some of the happiest, most aware people I have ever known.
My life has been framed by death. My father was an
embalmer and funeral director, so I had a front row seat when it came to all
that goes into making a body ready for burial, not to mention living upstairs
from the host of grieving people and the slow parade of dead that passed through the funeral
home. I have had plenty of firsthand,
experience also- starting with my Mother who died suddenly just after I’d turned
14 and my Dad who died when I was 21.
Death is not evil and is certainly not failure. If
we allow ourselves to truly consider and contemplate our own deaths, something
wonderful and life affirming happens. We
make better choices, we spend time on what is important, we stop sweating the
small stuff, we give up fighting over petty grievances…we grow up. People who have
experienced a brush with death or the experience
of losing many loved ones, often develop a kinship with death. One in which Death
is a Guide, Teacher and Ally rather than a Grim Reaper to be feared and
avoided.
Death, when he comes for me, will not be Grim. He will
be beautiful and shining, and he will hold open a magnificent door, and hold out
his hand to guide me across to that lovely place where I will be welcomed and
celebrated by those who have gone before me. And I will smile at him and take
his hand. In the meantime, I intend to Live and Love with every ounce of my
being, I will play hard and enjoy all the wonders life offers, so than when Death
comes, I will have no regrets.
Those who attend to the dying know that there is something mysterious and magnificent happening as we approach death. Here is an article & a video, if you wish to deepen your appreciation of this subject.
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