MAKING A LIFE

For years I have been walking the line between doing what I want to do and doing what I imagined I needed to do to:   1.make a living, 2.be a good mom/grandma 3.be available to help those who ask for help. Recently, I have become painfully aware of how much time and energy I have spent doing something other than creating the life I really desire. So...changes are in progress.

I don't know whether or not I will go broke, or lose friends, or piss off my kids...but I DO know that I am done living a half life, rather than a full life. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty happy most of the time. I am definitely not bored. But I am also not challenged in the way I want to be challenged- creatively and intellectually. I have been sitting with this rift between what I do and what I want to do for quite some time, and I now understand how I have been cutting corners where my own sense of fulfillment and joy is concerned. 

So, here's what I'm gonna do, I am rearranging my time, to serve my passions, dreams and desires.

I want, need and love to write. I have at least a few books in me, a host of poems, and dozens of songs. They itch to grow, to develop, to break into the world, and I will get out of their way.

Nature is my sanity, my solace, my muse. I will return to my long time practice of walking at least an hour a day, starting this week. And I will continue to photograph and draw nature.

My friends, who are more family than friends to me are scattered across the country. I want more time with them, more long talks, late nights and belly laughs. So, I will travel for pleasure, for love and  for joy, rather than wait for business to give me a 'reason' to travel. Yes, this will be a challenge.  I am up to it. I don't know how I will finance this plan, but my gut tells me, it will work itself out.

My life has been filled with extraordinary people and experiences, hard losses and magical coincidences,  and I have never really told my whole story, to anyone. It is time.

I want to be the Grandma that shares the Old Ways, the wise ways of nature and herbs, and seasons and cycles, with my granddaughter. To that end I am collecting things that will stimulate her interest, finding books and projects we can do together, and looking forward to the summer so we can dance in the moonlight and count the stars.

None of these things will matter if I am not in good health. So far so good, but let's face it, at my age (63 in case you are wondering) regular 'maintenance' gets time consuming and sometimes, expensive. It's time to crank up the dial on my fitness plan, and whittle my weight down to a level that satisfies me rather than frustrates me. I am giving myself the gift of time and effort required to make it so.

When I read through my list I feel free, optimistic, nervous, and a little afraid. Making a life rather than 'letting life happen' is an adventure, a challenge and a work of art.  It is also a balancing act, a responsibility to live my life fully, rather than just scratch the surface of what I know myself to be capable of. So, there it is. Here I am. 

I hope these words have inspired you to Make a Life for yourself as well...to push the envelope, take some risks, stretch yourself, and invite more Joy into your life.

XO
Raven