BLINDED BY BELIEF

We get into trouble when our idea of how we want someone to be bangs hard against the reality of how they actually are.  If we won’t let go of our vision of ‘how they could/should be’ long enough to know the person in front of us, we create an illusion of a relationship based on a version of the person we’ve invented.  Marriages fall apart, businesses col­lapse, and parents and children stop speaking when the demands of our illusions are in conflict with reality.  In this case, we have idealized the person, believing that they can (and should) think, feel and/or act the way we want them to.  This can be lethal for relationships, since love, intimacy and friendship require acceptance to survive.  We cannot accept what we refuse to see. 

Another problem with this behavior, is that if we canonize someone, and invest in a label (hero, good guy) that makes us revere them, we become blind to their flaws, faults and deceptions- even if we’re talking self-deceptions. This isn’t smart.  This leads to blindly following someone's lead even when your own gut tells you it's a bad idea. 

The other extreme of belief is when we demonize people by believing that a label we’ve attached sums up the totality of who/how/what they are. This is a dangerous and divisive practice which can (and often does) lead to violence.

When we label people, we are cutting ourselves off from the possibility of experiencing the actual person in front of us.  We are surmising that whatever that label represents holds more reality than anything else about the person. We do not look, nor can we see beyond the confines of our labels, unless we make an effort to look past the belief to the whole person.

When we reduce people to a single idea, whether it’s  hypocrite, liar, bitch, just a woman, a cheater... or invest in labels like libtard, gay, troll, or worse- the result is to create an immediate disconnect. Rather than a person with a life story, family, talents , problems and fears before us, we reduce them to a less-than, inferior, sub-humans worthy of our disdain.

 Labels are road signs that tell the world that we are the ‘True Believer’ and the one labeled is the “infidel”.  Domestic violence, murder, slavery, religious persecution, sexism, racism and war are the inevitable results of this toxic labeling. We see it ALL over social media.

If you only see others through the lens of your label, you will find nothing good in them. You will overlook, repurpose and reinterpret their words and actions to live down to your expectations.  

 Yes there are people who are ignorant, delusional,  violent , dangerously misinformed, and others who are seriously mentally ill - unable to be trusted.   Even so, demonizing someone based on a single factor- -Muslim, black, gay, female, Republican, Liberal, Mexican….is a dangerous practice that cuts us off from reality, from compassion, from solutions and from our own humanity. 

We developed empathy and compassion as a species because they are tools for our survival, our evolutionary development that helps us thrive- not merely survive. Please, I urge you, look beyond the label.  Look at your own Belief Blindness and push yourself to take a deeper more honest look at people, including yourself. Together we can resolve issues and build a better world.  To do so, we have to tackle the issues we face as humans sharing this planet, rather than positioning ourselves against each other.