NOBODY'S HAPPY ALL THE TIME

Two potent skills that that I highly recommend developing are self-awareness and living more in the moment than in your head. These are attainable and worthwhile aspirations, yet neither will give you a life in which you are La-Dee-Da happy all the time.

Those chipper, cheerful people with the perpetual smiles and overly friendly voices who spout positivity the way pigeons drop turds on statues are, if you watch carefully, holding a mask in place that covers an ordinary human with ordinary moods underneath the façade. It’s exhausting to be ‘on’ all the time, not to mention phony.

 

Nothing will deliver a fully conflict free, stress free life. And that’s OK. We’re designed to handle and grow from the challenges of loss, uncertainty, change and conflict.  In fact, when we have challenges that make us break old patterns, think outside the box, learn new skills and develop new ways of navigating life we are actually happier and healthier! We require a certain amount of friction through which we evolve, get smarter, feel accomplished, learn what we’re good at and discover when to ask for help.

So if you imagine that you can or should attain some mindset in which you’d  never be angry, sad, hurt, or annoyed …just stop tormenting yourself right now. Yes, there will be challenges,  BUT you can face those challenges with grace and openness, rising to meet them rather than feeling like a victim. Here’s how to start…

 

By shifting you attention from the stories, events and beliefs that trigger feelings of fear and helplessness to noticing what is going right in your life and in the world, you can create a background feeling of safety and rightness to rely on when those conflicts come your way. 

Get out of your head ...and into your body.

I have a friend who calmed himself throughout a long ordeal of chemotherapy, exactly this way. He constantly interrupted the endless loop of doom stories his mind by noticing the kid laughing down the hall, watching the clouds cross the sky, asking for a foot-rub, playing cards with his nephew...until over time, he told me he just got to a place in which he knew, even if he died, especially if he died, he was not going to waste any moments that he COULD be enjoying.

   

That is the key to having a life grounded in happiness. Not perpetual happiness without anger or fear  or irritation, but a life in which returning to happiness is something that you know how to do and can do reliably.    Learning how to notice what is good and right in your life, in your heart , in others and in the world every day is good medicine. Good for your health, your relationships and every other aspect of your life. 

This one practice makes all the difference when you’re not feeling happy.  It shows you how to still take in the pleasure of a sunrise, or the comfort of a friend rather than isolate yourself and feel like a victim. It helps you see what you’ve done well regardless of mistakes you’ve made…and best of all, with time, you will come to a place of knowing- a feeling deep in your bones- that in times of trouble, someone, somehow will always have your back.