On Being Swayed, Unaware and Irrational

In coaching sessions and in my classes and workshops, I have made a point to explain the way that mental/emotional patterns and beliefs literally filter what we see and hear, so that the ‘evidence’ that supports our expectations, we assume comes through our unbiased experience of reality. I highly suggest that you go find a copy of SWAY by Ori & Rom Brafman. In this fascinating and easy to read book, you will investigate how a handful of commonly held social and cultural beliefs serve as powerful and sometimes dangerous filters which sway even the most rational among us to behave irrationally.

One of the filters this book details is one I have frequently address- the bias that we use to tweak every word and action of a person we have judged to be a certain way. You may have heard of the studies in which students, labeled ‘gifted’ or ‘challenged’ lived up-or down to the expectations of the teachers. In SWAY you will learn how the opinion of men seeking women to date was swayed and how their expectation immediately changed the way the women communicated with them on the phone. When you hold an expectation, the person you ‘hold it against’ will automatically and subconsciously ‘read and revise’ accordingly. This information isn’t new, but taking a fresh look at this startling reality may help wake you from your own delusions.

Every time we act as if a person is a (jerk, criminal, idiot, bitch, selfish ass, cheater) we unconsciously not only see their behavior as if their motives fit that profile, we also encourage them to live up (or down) to our expectations- and with time and ‘training’ they WILL.
Not that I am suggesting that we become one of those head in the sand people that believes in ‘the goodness of people’ regardless of threatening or untrustworthy behavior, definitely not. That’s just another version of being out of touch with reality. Yet, honestly, if applying caution and good sense you can and DO hold onto the ides of the innate goodness of people, they will be less likely to target you, and more likely to target someone else.

But I’m really not talking about dealing with real criminals here. I’m talking about the way we demonize or canonize the everyday people in our lives and then only experience our own invented version of that person rather than truly experience the actual human being. This is why getting over our judgments (even the ‘good ones’) is wise. When a ‘saint’ falls off the pedestal we are often shocked and immediately re-cast the once revered friend or relative as a bad egg. The now reviled person goes right to the bottom of the pile, and once we demonize the ‘saint’, the relationship often seriously damaged.

And let's face it, with all of our quirks, insecurities and baggage it's hard enough to create solid lasting friendships and to sustain family relationships without adding THIS nasty habit to the mix. So I invite you to look at every relationship that matters, from your boss to your best friend, and get a little more conscious about the way your judgments and beliefs sway you. Oh and read the book...you'll be glad you did.

And FYI, for those of you who have asked, yes I'm working diligently so when my own book is coming out, I'll let you know.

Bodies and Planets

If you subscribe to the 'spiritual thinking' that we are not our bodies, but merely 'live inside' our bodies, I am inviting you to wake the hell up. The YOU that you know yourself to be, does not exist without your body. Period. Calm down. I am not suggesting that life ends when we die, but I AM making a clear direct and factual statement, that we are beings expressing ourselves AS bodied personalities in this world. Who or whatever we are or become once our bodies rot to dust is distinctly different from this person that you know yourself to be today. It's not spiritual to IGNORE THE FACTS, it's merely ignorant...it's another place to hide out and pretend that listening to the messages our bodies give us are second class citizens, and in our hubris, when we put mind above body, work above rest, repression above common sense...we are setting ourselves up for failure or suffering or sickness.

We ARE our bodies and our bodies ARE spiritual. they are absolutely amazing intelligent biological wonders...and we ignore them, trash them and use them for garbage receptacles. Did you know that the worlds longest living people are those with the least psychological stress and the most physical stress. And I don't mean people living out awful subsistent lives. I mean vital happy people who have, fop centuries lived in communities of support in which family, food, community and work are seamlessly woven together. Read the book The Blue Zones if you want more info about that.

SO...OK...let's just sit back then and poison the planet, create an early exit for ALL humans based on our own ignorance and stupidity…oh wait...that’s what we’ve been doing! Don't think for a SECOND that ignoring your body is not connected to ignoring the state of the planet. Bodies and planets alike are spirit, energy, god-stuff -whatever you want to label it..expressing itself AS matter. You, me, the sun, Jupiter...all and everything is God-stuff/Goddess-stuff. I invite you to wake up and treat yourself and your world accordingly.