RESPONSE-ABILITY and BLAME

People often feel overwhelmed by thinking of the word "responsibility' and all the exhausting meaning making that tends to go with it. What if being able to Respond-rather than React was an ability, a skill one could practice to become better adept at communicating with others. We can get triggered by almost anything, and react defensively, accusingly, feel hurt, get pissed and start passing the blame to anyone in the vicinity.  I've done it, and I'm sure you have too.

But the truth is that the buck stops with each of us. No one is responsible for your state of mind but you.  Sure, we all get annoyed, hurt and react...however, if you learn to note the reaction as just that-a reaction-not objective reality- then you have the opportunity to respond to the situation, rather than get stuck defending and pretending that your reaction is anything more than that.

Look, I know it can be hard to take, but in reality your parents, partners , and other people from your past are simply not to blame for whatever behavioral dead ends you find yourself in.  Yes, they may be responsible for teaching you some of the craptastic  beliefs and habits that make your life less than stellar, but you and only you have the power to notice what you're doing that is leading you down those dead end roads and learn how to do something else. 

Revealing what you are thinking and how you are feeling rather than assuming, accusing, and blaming, will allow you to respond rather than get clogged up in the reaction. This is what true responsibility means. Not taking blame. Not giving blame. Accepting that you cannot change others but you can alter how you respond, and get free from many of the ways you torment yourself (and probably also irritate the hell out of others).

Here's a practice:
Notice yourself react, Feel the sensations Interrupt your thoughts and recognize 'Oh, this is that familiar place I go', now Redirect your thoughts, opining up new possible options  for how to communicate, take a new action (maybe make a request, ask for clarification, or reveal how you're feeling) ...and repeat as needed. This is one way to learn how to leave those old crazy-making habits in the past where they belong.