THE TIME OF REMEMBERING THE DEAD

Well it’s that time of year when I haul out the box that contains the pictures of all my deceased loved ones…family, friends- those whose lives have touched and changed me. To honor them, I let myself feel the bittersweet emotions of loss, gratitude, love and fear, and I sit with the reality of my own fragility, my own inevitable end, and I sit will the possible loss of those I know and love who are currently ill.

 

Understandably, at first glance,  you may not think this is a tradition you think is a keeper- yet it is rich and rewarding, and even though at first I resist the process, I am always happier and calmer, less hard on myself and others,  and in exactly in the right state of mind to put real and meaningful desires on paper, having just had a thorough reality check.

 

Every year certain people stand out, and as I retell or relive my memories of them, I celebrate life- theirs and my own- and I remember that living and loving full on, even in the face of inevitable loss- is what makes life a fiercely worthwhile adventure.  Their lives and deaths remind me of what I want to do, and what I refuse to do…my excitement about meeting new people, loving the ones I know, mapping out new journeys and taking creative risks rises powerfully in me during that week of reflection. 
 

I step into the cave of winter having planted the seeds that, until I make myself busy and numb to avoid feeling pain, or avoid fear of loss, or hide from my own vulnerability, or fragility, or loneliness- until then, what I set in motion will call to my soul, inspire me, and help me challenge and push through many of those moments when I’d otherwise check out rather than feel deeply or love fully.

Also beyond the sense of loss is a powerful sense of continued connection, a synchronicity here, a dream there, a memory springing to my awareness in full color, and in those moments I also know that there is no end of life, but a different form of living, and that all the love I have shared with others continues shining on, opening the gates to communication and comfort, to knowing and help from that other deeper place where we live once we’ve dropped our bodies in the dirt.  

And I am reminded that my experience of living in and through this body is unique and powerful, and so my desire to move, to feel, and to experience the wonders of this world surge through me - and I feel again like a child exploring the magic around me with wonder, loving freely and playing hard.

  When I am alive like this I see the world as it is, and others as they are, and the streaming connectivity of life pours through me, making me happy regardless of circumstance, regardless of fear or loss- allowing me to be a mirror-  reflecting that potent remembering and love back into the world.

LIFE IS AS HARD AS YOU MAKE IT

How many times have you heard someone say "Life is hard.." ? (sigh).. I usually ask the question, "Compared to what?" Really. Think about that for a minute or three. Or try this one : " How are you making life so hard?"  That's a conversation stopper, I'll tell ya.


For most of us most of the time, certain events can be frustrating, annoying, less than perfect, or slow to sort out, but rarely is life 'Hard' unless we make it so. Sure, things happen. Accidents and deaths are part of life. Job loss and broken relationships, too. Definitely these can be real curve balls, setbacks and downers that we have to get through, recover from and digest as part of life. Usually though, everyday life for most of us comes complete with a place to live, food on the table, clothes, income and friends or family that we can rely on when those curve balls come.


Life is only hard when we put the majority of our attention on whatever isn't the way we want it to be or think it 'should' be.  Some people compare their lives to some idealized fairytale version of life that isn't likely to become anyone's reality.


Sure, sure, problems get smaller when we have more money, and everyone wants to be loved and feel useful. True. But to say that "Life is Hard" because you have to work, or don't have the guts to quit a job you hate or the nerve to leave a tormented relationship, or because your friend got an inheritance and you envy her...well that's all just petty.


If you doubt for a second that you have it good, just think about-or research- your grandparents or great-grandparents lives. When you have a little reality under your belt, come back and ask yourself how you can honor your ancestors by celebrating the ease, the choices, and the abundance you tend to ignore or take for granted each day..


I have talked to people with very little money, who have experienced tragedy after tragedy, that have felt blessed and lucky because they had their health, intelligence and a rook (though sometimes not much else) over their heads. I have on the same day, spoken with others with an abundance of money, homes and cars paid for, whined and complained about how hard life is because someone was granted something in their spectacularly expensive divorce settlement that was 'unfair'.


Life's what you make it. If you are hard on yourself or others, or live by 'comparison', let me tell you, life will seem very hard indeed. If, on the other hand you acquire the skills of  following your desires, treating yourself with kindness and taking time to really see, feel and appreciate the myriad of things that go right each day, I promise you will realize that you have plenty of evidence of ease and grace every day of your life. Life is as hard as you make it.