THE TIME OF REMEMBERING THE DEAD

Well it’s that time of year when I haul out the box that contains the pictures of all my deceased loved ones…family, friends- those whose lives have touched and changed me. To honor them, I let myself feel the bittersweet emotions of loss, gratitude, love and fear, and I sit with the reality of my own fragility, my own inevitable end, and I sit will the possible loss of those I know and love who are currently ill.

 

Understandably, at first glance,  you may not think this is a tradition you think is a keeper- yet it is rich and rewarding, and even though at first I resist the process, I am always happier and calmer, less hard on myself and others,  and in exactly in the right state of mind to put real and meaningful desires on paper, having just had a thorough reality check.

 

Every year certain people stand out, and as I retell or relive my memories of them, I celebrate life- theirs and my own- and I remember that living and loving full on, even in the face of inevitable loss- is what makes life a fiercely worthwhile adventure.  Their lives and deaths remind me of what I want to do, and what I refuse to do…my excitement about meeting new people, loving the ones I know, mapping out new journeys and taking creative risks rises powerfully in me during that week of reflection. 
 

I step into the cave of winter having planted the seeds that, until I make myself busy and numb to avoid feeling pain, or avoid fear of loss, or hide from my own vulnerability, or fragility, or loneliness- until then, what I set in motion will call to my soul, inspire me, and help me challenge and push through many of those moments when I’d otherwise check out rather than feel deeply or love fully.

Also beyond the sense of loss is a powerful sense of continued connection, a synchronicity here, a dream there, a memory springing to my awareness in full color, and in those moments I also know that there is no end of life, but a different form of living, and that all the love I have shared with others continues shining on, opening the gates to communication and comfort, to knowing and help from that other deeper place where we live once we’ve dropped our bodies in the dirt.  

And I am reminded that my experience of living in and through this body is unique and powerful, and so my desire to move, to feel, and to experience the wonders of this world surge through me - and I feel again like a child exploring the magic around me with wonder, loving freely and playing hard.

  When I am alive like this I see the world as it is, and others as they are, and the streaming connectivity of life pours through me, making me happy regardless of circumstance, regardless of fear or loss- allowing me to be a mirror-  reflecting that potent remembering and love back into the world.