HOW TO CULTIVATE COMMON SENSE

Ok not everyone has much basic common sense. Sad but true. So if you happen to be a quart short in the CS department, here are a few simple basics- a little check list as it were, that I promise will be like having a personal trainer for Common Sense in your pocket. Yes…I suggest that you write these down and keep ‘em in your pocket. Or purse…whatever. It's good to have a cheat sheet when you're developing a new skill...once you read 'em a few times, you can just copy those first few words and you'll know exactly what to (and what NOT to) do to develop your skill.

 

People with common sense do effortlessly that which many others have to train and condition themselves to do with consistency…once mastered though, this short checklist will get you on the right road to your own salvation. Salvation from your own self-sabotage, of course.  Enjoy...

 

1. Slow Down. Do fewer things, but do them with greater attention- complete awareness if possible. This will cut way down on accidents, forgetfulness, mistakes, stress, and a host of other stupid stuff that makes you look (and feel) like you just can’t get it together.  And as a bonus, you will get more stuff done, and enjoy doing stuff more as a result. Yay you.
2. Stop eating crap and take the effing time to buy or make good healthy foods. Whatever you eat either feeds your health or serves the Dark Force. Really, stop pretending a power bar is a meal, get more sleep instead of using coffee, stop the sugar, never ever go to a fast food joint (it may be fast, but it ain’t food) , and give yourself the right to eat tasty, good food slowly and enjoy it. Period. If you pretend you can’t or just won’t do that, you’re asking for mood swings, irritability, sickness, sleep problems, rotten concentration…and probably rotten teeth, too. (none of this is good for your sex life BTW)
3. Get your ass outside to see the sky, walk under some trees and experience the elements…you know, sun, rain, wind…that stuff. We are made to be balanced and sustained by nature. Even though we long to do it, daydream about it, and itch to get outside, we somehow chain ourselves to the computer, then think we can make up for it at the gym. Well you can’t.  Studies clearly show (again, like we NEED studies to tell us what our biology already knows) that being out in nature has many health benefits including but not limited to : reduces stress, stabilizes blood sugar, helps regulate blood pressure, speeds healing, lifts mood and enhances creativity. Not to mention, you might meet a few actual people!
4. Make Meaningful Contact With Others. Really, people with good common sense don’t have to be reminded to do this…so if you suck at contact 101, here’s your chance to brush up on what it means and what it will do for you. ..This does not mean texting and emailing.  Meaningful Contact includes but is not limited to conversations in person or on the phone in which you: reveal how you really are, ask for something you want, tell people how you feel, express interest in  others, listen…I mean REALLY listen, let people know that you appreciate them, and/or love them… and/or get over yourself if you’re upset.
5. Listen to your gut. Really. People with Good Common Sense aren’t all about logic and analysis…what makes common sense so, well, Uncommon, is that it has a mind of its own. People with common sense have a way of noticing and being present that allows information from others, and the surroundings and their ‘spidey senses’ which are faster than the conscious mind -to inform their decisions and actions. Looks like luck…but it’s not. So listen to that little urge, push, pull…and follow it.  You’ll be glad you did.

 In conclusion, here’s a quote to inspire you to uncommon heights of good common sense:

I invite you to say this, or something like this: "I pledge to wake myself up, never hold back, have nothing to lose, go all the way, kiss the stormy sky, be the hero of my own story, ask for everything I need and give everything I have, take myself to the river when it's time to go to the river, and take myself to the mountaintop when it's time to go to the mountaintop." Rob Breszny

Amen! Awomen! Allelujah! Here's to Cultivating Common Sense!

ON TOLERANCE AND FREEDOM

I like to think that we live in a country based on Freedoms …but then something happens that reminds me that those who founded this country were looking for freedom for their own beliefs…NOT all beliefs.  Last weekend I went on a trip to WV and one part of the trip included a musical dinner show that I imagined featured some version of country music. I was hoping for fiddles and a banjo…but what we got was a throwback from a darker time when racism and religion were obvious bedfellows.

 

Sure there were a few country tunes (though nary a fiddle or banjo)…but the white guy with the afro doing a parody of Little Richard was just tasteless, racist and bad on many levels…( the background recording of Amos and Andy didn’t help the atmosphere)…and then the band leader (aka bible thumping preacher) told us how they “Love the Lord” there in West-by-God Virginia  and continued on with a set of church songs in which the audience was expected to sing along…

 

By the time they finished up with a heartfelt rendition of God Bless America…honestly I was waiting for the Klan to make an appearance…well, OK…I mean the ones actually wearing their sheets….I was in the back with a friend and a couple we’d met on the trip…the husband was a black man and we just kept looking at each other in shock.  (And no, we couldn't just walk out. We'd arrived by bus - a 'captive' audience. And frankly, watching had that quality of being unable to tear my eyes away from an accident. Every time I thought it couldn't get worse-it did)

 

Now…before you think I’m over-reacting, let me ask you this: What if the band-family had been some OTHER religion, Muslims perhaps…and their performance had powerful racist (anti-white) undertones and their music was filled with a fever of religiosity that demanded audience participation???   Would the audience feel that the sing-along was perfectly dandy? No. Definitely not. The freedom would NOT extend to a different group of people extoling their racist and religious beliefs.  So the ‘freedom’ is really for the white Christians.  Just think about it.

 

Don’t get me wrong…my issue isn’t so much with the reality that this family has created and reinforces their beliefs and position openly- that is freedom of speech, absolutely…

My discomfort, anger and sadness comes from realizing that racism and religious intolerance is clearly and powerfully demonstrated every day in ways that are INVISIBLE to the majority of people.  A handfull of us were dismayed…but the majority of people in the room saw nothing off with what was happening in that room.  THAT is what creeped me out that most.  They were blind to the obvious.

 

Racism and Religion, like Sexism and Religion will continue to be bedfellows, but as thinking evolving human beings who live in a world of diverse beliefs, races and preferences…to survive….we must wake up. We must. We must learn to see what is really in front of us, and to act in a way consistent with the tolerance and freedom we pretend to be all about. Otherwise, there’s nothing left of the ‘American Dream’ but a lie.

 

STOP THE GLORIFICATION OF "BUSY"!

I started four blog posts last month- all left behind mid-sentence like half eaten meals that have gone cold and are now unappetizing. I will spare you those. What keeps coming to my attention is how the terrible cost of the glorification of ‘busy’ distracts us from health, happiness  and love. I hear it every day…people too busy doing nothing that matters who have no time for what does.

 

The way that we are taught to glorify being busy- which is the enemy of clarity, satisfaction and ease- is a disease.  I watched one friend who was literally dying, insist on spending her last days trying to finish a work project and pay bills rather than bask in the love of her children and friends. She refused to admit that her life was ending despite all evidence to the contrary. Such is the power of the busy mind.  I broke my heart watching that happen, and turned my awareness on the ways that I too have used being ‘busy’ as a distraction from my own happiness, my dreams and my desires. I am awake and I am taking action.

 

Fall is here. I love fall. As the weather cools I am feeling a powerful urge to purge. I’m going through every thing …and I mean every.little.thing. from the closets to the storage space, from suitcases to dresser drawers, from trinkets to jewelry boxes to old habits, ideas and shabby stories and ideas that no longer serve me.  Clutter is OUT  and Clarity is in. Everything that’s half-assed must go. The time is now & I’m ready! I am in the process of making my outer world match my inner world. I invite you to do the same.

 

Happiness is my priority.  I’m even, exploring new career options (yep, I’m thinking of a B & B, or a little organic restaurant or whatever else may call to me)   I am filled with creative drive and fired up about writing books, creating new music, and doing new workshops in new locations. (You’ll get a list very soon when the September newsletter comes out… FREE Teleclass, an on line training,  a new program in MD, and two in Florida…Wheeeee!)

 

 But am I too busy? No. I am flowing rather than scheduling, listening to my dreams, meditating, walking, working out and doing all the stuff I swore I was ‘too busy’ to do before the bricks to the head woke me.  I notice that the more I ‘flow’ with things, the more time shifts bends and folds to accommodate whatever is going on.  There's plenty of time.

 

After this past year of slowly gaining my health and losing friends and brilliant souls like Robin Williams, I am itching to strip off my old self and old stories like a snake shedding its skin, and create a new world that’s in deeper alignment with who I am, what I want to experience and where I want to go in life.  I hope you do too. Please come and  cross this bridge with me.

 

The self that lives in the Surface world that focuses on 'Busy' is only part of who  we are. We are also wild beings flickering in an infinite sea of Being free from the usual constructs of time. Busy doesn’t exist.  It’s a story of distraction used by the mind to keep us repeating the old familiar (often irritating) minutia, because the truth is, we’re afraid to let ourselves be the powerful playful shining beings that we are. We are dreamers first and foremost, we are story tellers and mystics and visionaries.  When our imagination ignites our emotions that power reaches out calling experiences to life.

 

When we stop filling up our time with mindless business- when we stop buying the story that we’re ‘too busy’  to be/do/have what our soul longs for-we transform.  Our lives transform. And the whole world becomes a little brighter.   I know you have heard these words before countless times…but I urge you shake off the consensual trance you live in, and rise…end the glorification of ‘busy’ and instead, fly boldly into your dreams.

 

DREAM SEEDS

My week in the Dream Teacher Training program with Robert Moss was like a week in the wilderness on one of those survival shows. Well, not quite that bad, but really, my idea of ‘roughing it’ is a 40 watt light bulb, so the heat, bugs, outdoor shower building, and the cane assisted long walk to the training site (a Yurt with no bathroom)  several times a day, left me exhausted. I went for five nights on just five hours’ sleep or less each night.  The physical discomfort of course added to the other-worldly quality of the training, made my dreams more vibrant and gave me the ability to be truly half in the surface world and half in the Dreaming for the entire time- and several days thereafter I might add.

 

The training itself- excellent. The people-wonderful. The food-exceptional.  There were 31 people in the training which included peeps who flew in from Romania, Dominican Republic, Australia, Canada and all across the US from NJ to Portland. The training exercises included tracking dreams, dreamwork for healing, precognitive dreaming and also waking dream-journeys into each other’s dreams and to the place between worlds to speak with the departed.  The training was a potent and rich series of experiences demonstrating how this waking world rises from The Dreaming.  

 

The Dreaming and our connection to it is not just about night dreams- it is the primary location of our consciousness- the Home of our soul, and the source of our decision making deep mind- the place where, in addition to working out the mundane events of our lives- we try on possible futures, diagnose ourselves, meet with others, visit real places, speak with the dead, and preview coming events. The Dreaming is where that 2/3 of our awareness ‘lives’ – otherwise known as our Deep Mind or Unconscious, or Subconscious.  This is where many decisions are made that we never know about in our waking life…but we DO know the way coincidence and synchronicity play across our Surface lives, bringing magic and mystery…the logic of non-linear order, to our attention. These are great road signs to follow.

 

Try this at home…incubate a dream…go to sleep with a clear intention to receive a dream about something important to you…healing, a job, your lover, a child…and whatever dream you have, even though you may not at first recognize the connection…sit with it. Be with the dream. Honor it in some way. Let your dreams- both your night dreams and your daydreams- your powerful imagination help you nurture the seeds you plant in your life.

 

No matter what we’re growing, a habit, a business, a relationship, a new story about ourselves or our lives, just like any seed that’s planted, the first thing we need to do when that little seedling sprouts, is put it in the sun, water it and tend it.  As we grow our dreams, they are both the infant and the parent. They are powerful guides and tender shoots that need attention. The thoughts we entertain and the people we surround ourselves with can nurture growth or cause that seedlings death from neglect- also known as distraction.

 

Being kind and attentive with yourself as you learn to listen to and decode your dreams…treat yourself as you would a preschooler learning to ride a bike. The right combination of  encouragement, training, repetition and willingness to push through  fear moves you forward, and can make your best dreams come true.

THE FEAR FACTOR

Most of our fears have nothing to do with what may harm us. We fear things because the sensations those triggers evoke are so damn unpleasant and uncomfortable and somehow familiar that we run away  (literally) or disappear inside our minds. Instead we can face and recover from the false mental messages and the jail our minds creates to 'protect' us.

 

People tend to think I’m pretty fearless, but I'm not. I’m here to tell ya, that ever since that damn accident, I have noticed a plethora of triggers that have stopped me repeatedly from doing things I otherwise have enjoyed doing.  Yeah sure, the accident WAS life threatening, but many of the fears appear to be unrelated…though I know they are a direct result of the feelings of powerlessness, abandonment, helplessness and physical weakness, physical threat and terror of not being protected from harm.

 This combo reactivated my childhood safety mechanism I call “ Elvis Has Left The Building”…meaning that I exit my experience, turn unconsciously away from the ‘threat’ and then listen to- and believe the bullshit story &  rationalization that my mind creates.  Worked great in childhood…now- not so much.

 

It took me months to finally recognize what the hell was going on with me, since I was avoiding and rationalizing myself out of doing things that I really wanted to do.  I have been avoiding people- especially avoiding meeting NEW people and doing familiar things.  Hadn’t been playing music- at all, I mean didn’t even pick up the guitar until 2 months ago. I joined the local Irish American Club in October and have gone to events 0 times. And they’re literally 2 blocks away.       I can’t even tell you how many stories I told myself to keep myself away. And from what?  From meeting new people, enjoying Celtic music, getting free drumming lessons,  having people to play cards with…all.in.my.own.freakin’ neighborhood.  Nor had I gone back to my weekly game night, yoga class, accepted invites to sing, been feeling afraid to go for an evening walk- and though I’ve never enjoyed crowds, I’ve even been extra aware of people at the gym for cryin’ out loud! 

 

Finally, a few weeks ago I realized what was going on. Since then I have played and performed music again, re-upped my membership to the IAC, gone to yoga, taken several evening walks, gone to the gym during the ‘busy’ time…and  was rewarded when the Muse showed up with a new song in the middle of the night- that I actually got up and wrote instead of rolling over. 

 

Was I ‘fearless’ doing these things. Hell, no! But to have the life I want- and to take back my life- I had to push through those fears, speak to my very young self who showed up in my dreams, and also make some real changes in my life to satisfy myself that should I ever need help or an advocate in the future, I know who to call on to keep me safe.  In other words I recognized that the sudden  fear of people was a road sign that got my attention thoroughly and in a bizarre and unpleasant way.

 

So, I ask you…what within you  that screams ‘Danger, Will Robinson!’ , is really a memo from you to you? What can you do to feel the fear and act anyway? How can you look at your life and see if any real time action is needed to satisfy that message?  The things that frighten us are road signs that remind us to grow up, take back our power, surround ourselves with allies and find the freedom beyond the fear. 


If you go through life and allow yourself to be controlled by your fear of anger, abandonment, rejection, and justify an inability to speak up or take a stand or tell the truth in a clear direct way, then you will never have the life you could have…never be the person you dreamed you could be.
That's  a terrible crime- a waste of our precious opportunity to really be who we are full un, for our own happiness and also as our contribution to the world.

 

 We all have fears…I invite you to do/be/say the things that frighten you. And if you need someone to cheer you on, or to push you out of your fake safety built from rationalizations…so that you can feel the wind on your face when you fly…you have my number.

 

 

BEING A KID AGAIN

Summer is here and with it comes another chance to be kids again, to watch the sky, smell the fragrance of freshly cut grass, flowers, wet pavement after a shows, and neighborhood BBQ’s. . The sounds of lawnmowers and weed whackers and the voices of children, the bouncing of basket balls - and the mechanical tune blaring from the ice cream truck waft welcome on the breeze through our open windows.

 

I remember the sounds of ball games on the radio & TV, the yearly ritual of cleaning and spray-painting the window screens, the unique smell of 3-in-one oil that lubricated the old metal box fans…

I remember Friday nights when we ordered pizza all summer long, and often followed that supper with home-made ice cream sundaes. I remember the smell of the water- the Hudson River- and summer storms that were often so fierce that the street lights would come on in the middle of the afternoon, and my Grandma’s odd little ritual meant to protect us from a lightning strike…(which obviously worked, since the building was never hit despite the myriad of TV antennas sprouting from the roof directly over our heads. I remember my mother pinning launder to the line that swung out over the airshaft, and the smell of hot tar as the roof above us practically liquefied in the blistering summer heat.  I often played at the big window where the fire escape was, drawing with colored chalk on the wide slate ledge, wiping it off with a wet sponge, watching it dry in seconds-and writing again and again. Once in a while I’d even take a blanket out and sit on the fire escape in my own little world, a bird’s nest high above the ground with a view of the river where the sun shone like diamonds.

 

I still find ways to relive the best summer moments. Summer is still for watching sunlight on water- now lake Erie, and for daydreaming, drawing and the occasional Friday pizza. Reinforcing what was good and right makes everything come alive both with memory and possibility. I dream up things I wanted to do as a kid but never could- and I do them now! This year I’m gonna get myself an adult size 3-wheeler to zip around the neighborhood in! I will be able to pedal to the grocery store, have some fun, feel the breeze on my face and oh sure, I’ll get some good exercise and rehab my knew in the process but that’s just my excuse for having the tricycle I always wanted but never had. (I can’t afford even a little spill, so a bike is out for now.)  I’m gonna have big fun that will last well into the fall!

 

There were plenty of things that sucked about my childhood, but in summer, when I wasn’t trapped indoors, life improved and I took every opportunity possible to have some fun. You can always find ways to play. Simple, cheap, easy entertainment that will make you feel happy, connected to All That Is,  and happy to be alive! This translates into less stress, better immune function and lost more fun and satisfaction when you connect playfully with others.

 

Do it. Be a kid again…Goof off…lie in the grass and watch the clouds. Build a model, draw on the sidewalk, but yourself a ball. (I bought myself a pink rubber ball and plan to find a nice brick wall to toss it against!)  Watch some local softball games…do what made you happy and especially, do whatever you wanted to do but never could!   It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE ONE DECISION MAKES

First, a bit of catching up…Sorry I dropped out of sight last month, I had some great ideas for blog posts, but couldn’t seem to ever be near the computer (or even paper) when I did.  Two days after my last blog post, on April 16^th I became a Grandma!  Isadora Rose was born at 4:39pm weighing in at lucky 7lbs 11oz! And yes, I was there attending the birth- it was an awe inspiring experience. So the past 6 weeks have been full of activity and new baby magic!

 

Now…down to what has been on my mind for the last week…where I'm at today all because one night against my better judgment, I decided to take out the trash, which led to a little drive...

One year ago on May 24^th I was in an accident, hit by a drunk driver, totaled my car and ended up in a wheelchair for three months.  Here I am One Year Later…and as with all things, life goes on. But life is not the same. I can count on one hand the number of nights I have slept soundly without being awakened by pain.  My stamina is still pretty crappy, even though I’m back at the gym swimming and lifting weights. I was utterly uninformed and, I might add, delusional about how long the healing process would and will take. Additionally, I have taken a big hit to my income, and have not been able to promote The Book of How which came out just weeks before the accident. Workshops and book signings were canceled, some of which being opportunities that will not come again. I am just now starting to feel that I have the energy to begin again. And I have plans...and have had lots of time to acquaint myself with my deep desires.

 First, I’m looking forward to new and revived work projects,  and to a vacation…(when the settlement finally…settles) and I am definitely stretching myself, planning to do things I have denied myself…like taking a program at the Monroe Institute, traveling to Scotland & Ireland to my Celtic roots, going to South Dakota just because it calls me,  getting out to the Serpent Mound here in Ohio ..I have a long list, this just scratches the surface... These are some of the things I’ve been putting off for a zillion reasons that all seemed good at the time but no longer hold water.

I want more pleasure, more time with friends, travel to interesting places. I want to meet and marry the man that’s right for me. Yes- there I said it…I want a partner to play with. That one I put off by telling myself I needed to be here ‘for my kids’ who are, for cryinoutloud 30 & 34 years old now. Enough already!  Hell, I may even give up coaching and open a B & B, or an organic restaurant…or something…yes…been thinking about that, too. I feel a tug in that direction.

The accident broke apart a set of illusions I didn’t even know were keeping me from having a richer, deeper, more exciting and pleasurable life. All gone now. And for that I’m glad, though I am asking the Change Gods (daily) to deliver on my requests for Transformation with a softer hand (rather than a backhand LOL) in the future. 

So…where might YOU be stuck in some really logical reasonable snares? What does your heart sing about, that your mind ignores?  Who would you be if you let yourself really just do what you wanted to do?   
If you had an accident that put you out of commission for  a year, or had to deal with cancer or fight your way back from a stroke…what experiences would you want to have now, just in case you didn’t make it out alive? 


Well my friends, I urge you to put those life-changing thoughts down on paper today with an action plan, a time line, and a friend to kick your ass to the moon if you try to talk yourself out of the Bigger Life that is calling you.   

THINGS I'D RATHER NOT TELL YOU

I was thinking the other day about things I typically don’t let people know. I’m not withholding some kind of ‘deep dark secret’ , but I AM withholding, and often don’t reveal certain things about myself.  You may not care about these things, and you may find them meaningless or amusing, but to me, I unconsciously and automatically skip over certain things about myself.  Things that reveal how sensitive I am, or about  how much I enjoy being ‘domestic’…

I don’t tell people that in High School I won the Betty Crocker Future Homemaker of America award…but I did. When you see those posts and articles about the 110 shortcuts for our home, I promise you, I know most of them. I love to cook and I'm really good at it. Not the 'Martha perfection in place-mats' kind of thing- but the food is love on a plate kind of thing.

I am a gatherer and compiler of information. I hate ‘real’ puzzles- the kind out of a box, but I love the puzzles in which words, thoughts, ideas  can be combined and recombined to make new things happen, or to solve old problems in new ways. Love that. 

I don’t admit what a soft touch I can be. I protect myself from myself by putting policies into place  to get paid on time,  and keep people that I might allow to take advantage of me at a distance.  I cry at the movies…hell, sometimes I even cry during a TV commercial.

Yes I can be tough as nails when I’m coaching, and people mistake my ability to be a warrior on behalf of the being that’s being bullied by the mind, for the person I am in the rest of my life. Growing up I denied and suppressed all things ‘feminine’, wanting and needing to be strong, mistaking strength for a kind of masculine stoicism, all the while refusing to do things for myself as simple as buying good hair conditioner.  I have had some Very Bad Hair years. (Yes, years)

I eventually woke up and started admitting the deep longing I had for softness, for ‘girl’ things, for stuffed animals and beautiful pictures of nature. I started taking pictures, and yes I do have a small collection of stuffed animals.

My bedroom is pink. There, I said it. My bedroom is pink and I really like sparkly things. I’m a sucker for sparkly nail polish and things that catch the light. When my mother was buried, it was the first time I ever saw her wearing nail polish. Somebody said, “She never had time for that.” , and I decided to always wear nail polish from that point forward, to remind myself what it cost my mother to put herself last, and to honor her memory with this small nearly invisible gesture. I still polish my nails. As I type these words I’m wearing pink glittery nail polish. And I’m enjoying the way the sunlight shimmers across my nails as I type.

I’m an introvert. No, really. Yes I do know I do workshops and lectures and have a big mouth. But in a crowded room of people I do not know, I’m the one observing, rarely the one being social and interacting. I just don’t enjoy small talk. I prefer not to talk unless I have something to say, and I find most of the typical getting-to-know-you type of social interactions are mostly bullshit substituting for real conversation.

I’m a geek. I never realized just how much of geek I am until some years ago, when I was regularly invited to a friend’s home who routinely gathered a group of  fascinating people including authors, remote viewers, scientists, astronauts,  physicists  …and me. It never occurred to me that I was the ‘odd woman out’ because I was able to hold wonderful rich conversations with these people. I was surprised by how much I knew by just reading, researching and putting things together on my own.  I was definitely not the ‘observer’ in the background in those gatherings. I asked questions, I gave opinions, and I found myself really feeling at home with people for the first time in my adult life.

Well, these are a few of the things I generally don’t offer up in conversation, though anyone who really knows me, knows all these plus far more.

I encourage you to share even your semi-secrets, the ones that make you a little squirmy, the ones that make you think   “Oh NO, what if everyone knew THAT about me”…because without revealing your deep self, no has the opportunity to actually know you.  Not that I’m suggesting you go around telling everyone, but that you for sure tell everyone close to you and anyone that you would like to be close to. Honesty is the water that intimacy thrives in.

SPRING IS FOR RESURRECTION

Spring is the perfect time for starting new projects and taking action that brings us into greater awareness of our constant and irrefutable interdependence with Nature. As a creature whose nervous system is keyed to respond to everything from the amount of daylight to the planet’s magnetic field, we have the soaring birthing energy of Spring available to us right now as wind at our backs.

I suggest that you use that energy to resurrect the feeling, noticing, being that you truly are. Every time you hear the birds, see a nest, or take a deep breath of sweet spring air, the ancient, vast, always calm Being that you are stirs a little. Wakes a little. And the power and magic of our interconnectedness rises to the surface and reminds us, with every bud and leaf, that we are creatures who sail through time supported by an immense web of connection.

This is the time of year when daydreams lure us away from work and obligations, when our dreams call to us, drawing us towards our desires and our potential.  It’s the time when our imaginations, ignited by the spring rains, bursting blossoms and quickened earth make us pregnant with hopes and wishes. Alert us to who we might become and what adventures we might have if only we allowed ourselves to follow those urges and act on those desires.

Don’t inhibit yourself. Don’t stuff those dreams in your sock drawer or let your mental noise force you to ignore those urges in favor of some usual distraction or obligation. Put your bare feet on the earth. Lie under the night sky and let yourself fly free. Dance on the water’s edge at sunrise and call your desires forth, making plans and taking actions that honor these deep and powerful callings. Allow Spring to quicken within you the hope of becoming the person you always imagined you could be- then act on that knowing. Risk the ordinary to gain the extraordinary self that you are.

I invite you to allow the Resurrection of your True Self to take place.  Give birth to your Wiser Self through your attention and conscious actions. Be in communion with the feeling, hearing, seeing, knowing Being whose inner guidance we so often diminish and silence by allowing our usual habitual reasonable limiting thoughts and behaviors to numb us to the glorious potent possibilities that are clamoring to get our attention.

Give yourself over to those dreams and tend the seeds that have been planted in your imagination. A new life, a New You is possible now. Be bold. Be fierce. Spring is for Resurrection.

THE PAST INFORMS THE PRESENT

 Monday March 3^rd   1969, just one week after my 14^th  birthday  was a chilly, grey morning in Yonkers, New York and there was a blanket of snow on the ground when I woke. I asked if I could stay home from school- I was a freshman -and was surprised and delighted when my lame request for a ‘snow day’ was granted.

 

I could hear my father and grandmother in the kitchen having coffee. My mother was sitting on the couch mending underwear. Daddy came in and took her pulse, something he did every morning since her heart attack nearly two years ago.  If her heartbeat was above a certain rate, she took a pill, otherwise, she was stable and on the mend. On this morning, her heart rate was up a bit, so she took her medicine, a new prescription. I remember my father saying that as he opened the bottle for her.

 

I was still in my nightie, sitting in the swivel rocking chair, my favorite spot. My dad went to shave. Mom resumed sewing and I resumed rocking…I was facing her, looking out the big windows towards the Hudson River and watching the clouds.  The sewing dropped into her lap and her head came up. Then she just fell back, and off to the side and I yelled to my father and grandfather, “Something’s wrong with Mommy!” 

Next thing I know, the three of us were rubbing and patting her arms. Her lips were blue. I knew she was dying and would soon be dead. I stepped back. My Dad called for an ambulance and we scooted her onto the floor so my Dad could  give her mouth to mouth and my grandfather rushed me from the room. I remember my grandma handing me a clothes to put on, and the sound of the paramedics pounding up the 4 flights of stairs to get to her. I was in Grandma’s bedroom, hands like ice. Terrified.  Just as I walked into the kitchen, my grandmother closed the kitchen door so I wouldn’t see them carry her body out. But I could hear them. And I knew. She was buried on what would have been her 46^th birthday.  That was 45 years ago today. 

 

There were a great many changes in the years that followed and I was, for the most part, on my own from that day forward. Clueless about so many things and ignorant of how to be a woman in a ‘man’s world’.  I fled to college at age 17 on a scholarship, and there I had a taste of the friendships, community and belonging that I longed for. I felt at home there, but I was unable to know how much my future was to be colored with struggle and loss as a result of those early years. But I learned, and slowly raised myself to be the person I’d wanted to become.

 

That 14 year old self is still with me, though I have coaxed her into the present and integrated her into this life and the woman I’ve become. She has helped me think young, take risks, play music, study fascinating subjects and meet interesting people. She still helps me be silly, reminds me to slow down, and to watch the stars. Through honoring my  awareness of her desire to connect, to learn, to explore I have stayed young, vital and curious.

 

At 59 years old I still sometimes find myself back in that living room, but no longer as a spectator. I now I put my hand on the shoulder of my 14 year old self, turn her to face me, hug her, and lead her back to the life we have created and continue creating.

 

This coming year I am consciously devoting to doing the things I have dreamed of doing since those early days. In deference to raising my own two children,  I never have explored the world or traveled to find the places where my ancestors are still singing and telling stories . Now my girls are in their 30’s and I’m about to be a Grandma. It’s time to travel, to visit old friends & make new allies, before I ‘settle down’. I’m looking forward to this journey and to all the adventures along the way as I continue to follow the dreams and desires that have been whispering to me through the years, and I can almost feel my parents and grandparents smile at me from the other side.  

PERMISSION TO KNOW LOVE

We all want the same things. We want to be loved as we are. We want to belong, and feel that who we are is valuable…that our presence is enough. We want to love. We long for security, that inner knowing that we can trust ourselves to create and maintain the foundation of shelter, food and contact with others that feels like home base.   When we give ourselves permission to love whatever and whomever we love, our lives become richer, easier, healthier.

 

I’m not talking about sick dysfunctional stalker love, or the longing to be ‘completed’ by a ‘soul mate’….That crap has nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do with love. At the core, love is acceptance of what is. Right then and there in the moment.  This is what we experience when we cuddle with the dog or cat after it has torn up the pillow or puked on the bed. We don’t hold grudges, we clean it up then open our arms and get back to love.

 

What if you saw your mistakes and broken promises and torn up relationships and puked on opportunities as something to just clean up, accept and then get back to love? What if you gave yourself permission to treat yourself with the kind of loving attention and kindness you wished your parents had given you, or you keep hoping will come from someone else?  How would your life be different?  How would your conversations be different? 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Romantic love with all the giddy nervous exciting sexy magnetic sensations that comes with the package…and yet…without the inner core of stable, grounded, accepting, sure fire permission to Know Love within ourselves , we automatically start looking for that feeling of belonging, of home, of happiness to come from someone else. We often mistakenly hook our happiness on how (or whether ) someone (some special someone) loves us, and can ignore all the love coming to us.  When we are ‘in love’ we are flooded with sensation…with chemistry…with that feel good, “I am connected to the Universe and everything is brighter and full of light” awareness. 

Start there. What if love is always what we are in. Actually in. Not the romantic kind that we ‘fall in’ as a way to make babies and form bonds…but the deeper wider Love that surrounds and penetrates us all day every day. The  Big Love that our minds dim down so we can see where we’re going. What if we gave ourselves Permission to touch, feel and know that love whenever we wanted to?  Oh Yeah, then we’d have something wild to bring to the party when romantic love came along…we’d also be able to shine that love on anyone or in any situation. Hmmmm…

 

The ecstasy and rapture of Love spoken of in poems is always just under the surface of our awareness…it’ there when we smell a newborn’s fuzzy head, it’s there in the wonder we feel gazing at glittering stars in the night sky,  it’s there in that electric thrill we feel when listening to extraordinary music that sweeps us away.  When we come to our senses…we find love. When we examine love in our minds, we wall ourselves off from its brilliance and power.  And that’s the practice, right there. Stop thinking, take a breath…feel…notice, open to the moment…and give yourself Permission to know love in all its forms.

DON'T GO IN WITHOUT BACKUP!

I don’t know anyone that’s genuinely interested in having a rich, happy juicy life that doesn’t have regular outside help to keep them aware of the tricky patterns and weird mind-games that otherwise may sabotage their lives. Myself included. I talk to my kids (talk about ‘brutally honest!), my friends, and for those deep dark places that still confound me, I get coaching.  I want the freedom to be, do and have whatever I desire. So I keep exploring myself deeply, even though sometimes doing so is frustrating, or a little creepy, and always surprising to keep digging around in my own stuff. 

 Rather than thinking this is ‘work, or ‘I’m weak’ or ‘I should just know better’, intelligent people (not to be confused with smart people and intellectual people) know in their bones that others can see what their own minds hide from them. They don’t go down the basement in the dark without backup. That’s what friends, coaches (and bricks to the head) are for.

 

Yes, let me repeat that. Intelligent people rely on others to see what their minds hide from them…and remind them not to trust their minds. Don’t wait until you’re stuck or when the next crisis (a brick to the head) gets your attention.

 

When the initial ‘crisis’ is over, or your anxiety has quieted, and your jaw has finally unclenched, THEN you’ll be able to get down into the patterns of belief and behavior that generated that unwanted experience. That’s not the time to go back to Life as Usual, unless you want a rerun of whatever got your shorts in a twist in the first place. And sometimes that twist has been going on for decades...so the origins have become invisible to you.

 

Just like that damn whack-a-mole game, what we expect and believe pops back up in new ways until we are able to stay awake long enough to notice interrupt and revise the pattern automatically, until the new pattern becomes rooted.

 

Some people start coaching, then when they get some relief from the Big Stress that drove them to pick up the phone in the first place, they run for the hills, waving one of the following excuses like a flag:    “ I feel better now, so I don't need to keep going ” or  

“ Well now I have tools so I should be able to figure this out on my own.” or, “ I don’t want to become dependent on you to make decisions.” This is a big mistake.  Trust me, I don't want to (and will not) make your effing decisions. I would however, like to see you making decisions based on something other than the old automatic self sabotage formula.

These are usually the same people who bring little to their own coaching calls, waiting for me to drag them into the Deep End, but vanish if I do. Swearing they can ‘Go it alone’ . Ever watch a movie that makes you holler at the screen, “Don’t go in there alone, you idiot!”   Well that’s exactly the way I feel in those moments. I know the brick will fly or the flying monkeys will come to cause mayhem.

If you are coaching, keep going until you become proficient at noticing rather than analyzing.  If you live in your head, you will believe the advice of  the idiot that caused your problems in the first place. It doesn't matter how long it takes you. Coaching is not a sprint to the finish line.

Want to get the most out of coaching or therapy in the shortest time?  Deepen your friendships, and encourage people to be honest with you. Having the ongoing help of those who can and will tell you when you are full of shit, when you are acting against your own best interest and when you have reverted back to doing the annoying things that sabotage you, is the best asset you can have.  Cultivate mindfulness.  Take a workshop, or a dance class. Do yoga. Meditate. Challenge your thoughts.

When you are free from the jail of your own mind, and usually no longer believe your own bullshit, you will have a 'get out of jail free' card, called Noticing, that can save you from yourself.  And backup, of course...never go in without backup!