WHAT ABOUT THE VIOLENCE?

I have bot blogged in quite a while, but due to the number of comments I have heard about the recent shooting, and the number of people who have asked me for my two cents...here it is...

The solution to violence is far more complicated than monitoring words, or whether or not Palin uses crosshairs over the faces of her opponents. How is it that we as a culture continue to invest in Might Makes Right as "The" solution? Truthy be told, it is everywhere...war on drugs, war on cancer, allowable smear campaigns that spread lies, hell our own government lies to us. We mustn'e forget that we are a country founded from a bloody revolution, further developed from the blood of brothers during the Civil war,-a countrty whose "greatness" has largly come from being the biggest badAss during the world wars (and the technology that came from those wars), not to mention the revision (for the better) of our own culture during the protests and and sit-ins, and resistance to authority- that were still at heart revolutions.

Clearly we are dealing with an evolutionary paradigm. By design, compassion, empathy and cooperation are the real cutting edge brain developments most likely to assure our individual and collective survival. It isn't MIGHT that makes us survivors in the bog picture after all.
I can only believe that when we as individuals put an end to the personal daily emotional executions we visit on friends, family and others in our community who do not 'live up to our expectations' can we hope to make headway on a c\ultural, much less global level. Only when we offer treal compassion to those in our immediate lives and in our immediate environment can we hope to spark a change large enough to impact cultural violence.

Blaming people's word choices or the 'right to bear arms' or blaming implicit or explicit messages that may encourage someone to 'rail against' others, is as illogical as the old complaint that rock and roll was the cause of the moral downfall of the youth!

People who are happy do not shoot people. Duh. People who are marginalized, ignored, in pain, emotionally overwrought and of course those whio are mentally ill-sometimes do. They are a symptom of a larger issue. And sure we can create new laws, become word police and kick Palin's ass to the moon for being a crappy exabple of a compassionate intelligent human being. Yes we can. But if we treat the symptoms and not the cause...nothing changes. The patient still dies.

When each of us decide to become more involved and more honest friends, family and neighbors, rather than expect The Authorities (whom we mistrust) to fix the problem with a top down approach, when we become more active participants in demonstrating kindness and empathy in our own lives-we can and will take a new evolutionary course.

When I heard that the shooter was yet another emotionally distressed and disturbed young man, I couldn't help but wonder where WERE his family, teachers, neighbors and friends that could not lend a compassionate ear or healthy corrective guidance? If it "takes a villiage" then we are ALL in some way culpable for these acts.

I urge you to do your part in your own life, to be an aware, compassionate and active member of your family and your community. Take this personally. The next shooter may be someone you know.

Experiencing Love As Reality

Love is reality. I am certain of it. I have been thinking about that, feeling and experiencing the essence of it for weeks. It’s a thought I’ve often had and sometimes, and I don’t know why or how, some switch gets flipped and I experience the truth of it. Sometimes for a few days, or a few weeks I live in the experience of it, as if I can feel the light-the electricity and magnetism- that we and all things are made of. One day I hope that switch stays flipped and I live out my days filled with the wonder and pleasure, the bright joy and peace and inspiration of it.

All humans want to love and be loved. Everything else is secondary. That’s really all there is. It is not a secret, yet allowing that to occur is the secret of life. Allowing love. It’s everywhere, truly.

If we love, and allow others to love us, and help ourselves to give and receive that which we long for most by quieting our minds and interrupting the stream of rules, shoulds, perfectionism, expectationism, score keeping, intellectualizing and judgment…we can and will experience that golden experience, not just once or with one person, but each day, in multiple ways…through many of our encounters. Contact…Giving and receiving acceptance, is love. I’m not talking about the romanticized dramatic version of love that borders on pain and lives in dread and fear of loss, or the mind shattering ten second orgasm expression of love…that’s good too…and…I’m talking about something older, deeper, longer lasting, more easily accessible anywhere, nearly anytime we choose. It is an experience of recognition. Or as it was expressed recently on the biog screen “ I see you”. Love is awakening to our Connection that is primal and foundational-and real.

My friend Dan Winter, once a researcher for the HeartMath ™ Institute calls this fundamental experience “Lo-phi” or in geek speak, “the recursive golden mean wave form structure of light and magnetism out of which all reality is generated.”

Another friend, Whitley Strieber, said it more simply in his recent newsletter when he wrote: “I think that love is the same among all creatures, that it is the hidden essence of reality itself, and that everything that does not contain it is a sort of illusion. Love is reality.”

Yes my friends. I wholeheartedly agree.

Living In Your Body in 2010

It seems that nobody is bringing body awareness to the forefront of consciousness exploration. I mean, we LIVE here, in our bodies... yet we ignore the signs of need and imbalance and somehow even end up thinking it's a good thing when we go without sleep or meke it through the day on coffee and power bars. If we ignored the leaky roof or the engine light with as much dogged resistance, we'd have our friends and loved ones telling us what idiots we are, right? And of course, if we get sick or injured, even then, we are more likely to medicate and push on, rather than rest and heal..or God forbid- take care of the problem at the Source .
Yet, we read books, take classes and pretend that we are interested in enlightenment...in self awareness...all the while, allowing our magnificent bodies to flounder and struggle against great odds as we fail to provide the three simple and most basic ingredients of health and well being. Good nutrition, daily exercise and enough R & R.

If you want to live in the moment, experience the Power of Now, or have even a fleeting glimmer of enlightenment, ignoring your body isn’t at option. Never mind enlightenment, the basic pleasures of feeling flexible and alert, living pain free, having a vibrant sex life, emotional balance, clarity of thought and ease of relating ALL depend on how well you know, love and care for your body.

To be frank, if we took care of our dogs the way we take care of our bodies, the ASPCA would be knocking at our doors- and for good reason!

The next time you hear someone say you are a “spiritual being having a human experience”…Remember that without being present in and experiencing your body, what you’re really having is more of a, " living-in-your-head-cut-off-from-reality-delusional experience".
Which isn’t , quite frankly, very human. Or especially spiritual. You might even rephrase that little ditty to read, “ I am a spiritual being having a lame half-human asleep-at-the-wheel experience.”

Also stop the lament, ‘the older I get the more I am betrayed by my body!” Sigh.
Well, for a moment, consider the years of basic neglect, including crappy nutrition, little exercise and not enpough sleep or play you subject yourself to. That you are alive and mobile at all is a testament to the wonders your bodies is capable of. Who is doing the betraying here? Certainly not your body.

I propose that in 2010, you adopt a new way of relating to yourself, your physicality...your magnificent animal nature. ..Treat yourself the way you would treat a prize horse, or a beloved dog. Exercise every day. Create a lifelong habit of healthy food choices. Sleep. Play and socialize with others. Groom yourself lovingly and with care.

Do not allow the mind you have subvert that wisdom. THIS is the beginning of enlightenment.

In the Jan 2010 AARP magazine, in the article Take Charge of Your Health, we are told that chronic diseases, most of which are caused by lifestyle habits, are the leading cause of disability and death in the US., with stress and depression as the major contributing factors.
The senior VP of The National Council on Aging says, “The present medical model has ignored the issues, pain, fatigue, anger that interfere with people’s health and lives.”
Not news to you, right? Fix the problem rather than practice prevention has been a bad health habit of the medical system for decades. If we did that with our cars, we'd end up replacing the engine because we failed to have our oil changed regularly! Problem is, with our bodies, we can't always get that new engine, and sometimes by the time we need one, there's enough damage that we're never going to return to the quality of health we might have had. We can buy a new car, but we can't just go out and get a new body. Which makes what we do (and fail to do) completely illogical, irrational, and criminally stupid.

Stanford has created a Chronic Disease Self Management program that’s now being offered as a prevention and maintenance program. The remedy? Nutrition, Physical activity and behavioral changes that release emotional baggage. Sound familiar? Indeed.

There are so many 'health' books, you may not know what to believe or where to begin. that I can help you with. Read: YOUNGER NEXT YEAR. Find a copy and give one to a couple of friends. Create a pack and make a pact to revise your habits and create the possibility for vitality, ease, health...and yes, even enlightenment.

Do you have to wait until you get sick to wake up? No, I don't believe you do. We, for the most part, do know what to do. Let’s make 2010 the year we do what we know.

Happy Hollerdays

Ho Ho Oh yes it’s the time of year for stomach tension, extra stress and ninja like emotional high wire acts that can go very, very wrong… Happy Holler Days.
So far, in my neighborhood alone, three neighbors have been fighting like stags during rutting season, and the cops showed up last night to put an end to the Hollerday festivities next door when tables and chairs started flying through the air like the Great Walenda’s. I have heard many a dark tale about the Hollerdays, from a teen making his parents eat in blessed silence for once (of course, he encouraged them with his father’s hunting rifle) to a wife who had her brother pose as her husband and invite the girlfriend to Hollerday dinner (that’s a great story) to the father to lied (literally, with a rope) his children to their chairs because they wouldn’t stop leaving the Hollerday table to talk on the phone…well… I bet you have a story or two of your own…
Oy. Do ya remember Festivus?
Festivus for the Rest of us? Well if you don’t remember what the actual celebration entails, please, let me remind you. During Festivus, the family gathers in the back yard around a pole and exchanges grievances. Simple. Honest. To the point.

I think that no matter what you celebrate, if you start with this little Festivus ritual every other Holiday tradition you may have will turn out better. Let off the steam and get over your grousing, judgments and self inflicted misery right off the bat. In fact wiffle bats may be in order…maybe even a good game of paintball before dinner to get some aggression handled that might otherwise ruin a perfectly good Hollerday meal.

By all means get it out of your system so that you can actually enjoy yourself and whomever you happen to have at your table this year. Look, even if you can’t stand Aunt Hilda or your stepmother or your in-laws…at least you can put a little fun in the family dysfunction by accepting their quirks without trying to change them for just this one lousy couple of days. I mean…getting or staying mad at predictable behavior is a dumb as getting mad at the cat for not barking like a dog.

Have a little fun. Take them (and yourself ) lightly. Agree with complaints. It’ll be confusing and entertaining. And will stop drama dead in it’s tracks.
“Why Raven I see you’re still a bitch.”
“ Indeed I am, thank you for noticing.”
There…was that so hard? See if you can serve the main course without the seasoning with bitterness, irritation or obligation. By the way, nobody likes the mandatory side dish of lukewarm passive aggression. Ug…this year, just dump it in the trash. I won’t tell.

Notice, Interrupt, Replace, Repeat

Notice, Interrupt, Replace Repeat. This is the way we build a new set of thoughts, ideas and automatic beliefs and expectations to replace the ones that keep us experiencing the same tired old complaints over and over. To begin this process we need to recognize the old lame stories that we have been telling over and over, and we need enough emotional MoJo to turn the tide.
Your subconscious mind generates your experiences out of whatever you place the highest importance on. In the language of our minds, importance is not determined by logic or reason, but by repetition and emotional intensity. Here are a few typical examples of stories that we invest plenty of time and emotional energy in…thus…providing our subconscious mind with the raw materials out of which to generate our experiences. Here are a few common stories we tell.

I’m too busy. I’m always busy. I have no time.
I was cheated on. All women cheat.
I was abused so I can’t accomplish anything in my life because of my past.
I can never succeed in life. It’s just not possible for ‘someone like me’.
I will never find a job I like. I have to take what I can get.
My father was an alcoholic. Just can’t trust men.
The ’real world’ sucks. Life is hard.

Step One - Recognize you’re telling a story : It is easier to point out the stories that other people are telling but a little bit harder to pinpoint the story you are telling. You may want to ask a friend to help with this step. Get over your resistance to giving it up by creating a new, useful story.

Step Two: Set an Intent:. This is the way to begin creating a better more powerful story.

Step Three: Create a vision of the future you wnt. Start telling that story instead
Step Four: Interrupt you story and replace that time and energy spent by talking about the vision of what you’re creating! Speak your intent powerfully into the world.
Step Five: Stop hanging out with people who continuously tell the same unhappy story. This is classic ‘birds of a feather’ syndrome and will pull you back into the mud. You will begin attracting different people in your life, people who support the new visions you have started telling.

Step Six: Create action steps and put them on a time line.

To keep yourself on the right road, hang out with people who already have some of the things you are looking to create in your own life. You can create whatever kind of life you want. To do so, it’s not enough to say a few affirmations. You MUST notice, interrupt, and redirect your thoughts behaviors and emotions enough to turn the tide. Then your new story will give your brilliant subconscious the tools to build that bright new road to the destiny you desire.

Hold a few new visions in your mind:

I can have an interesting well paying job that I enjoy.
The world is a place of wonder & possibility .
I meet people who accept and value me.
(Insert your new story here...)

Filters, Circumstances & Reality

Your brain doesn’t “know” when mental-emotional habits, your 'reality filters' that once served a useful purpose have outlived their usefulness. That is for you, as a conscious being, to figure out. The filter of being silent and 'invisible' to avoid an angry parent is a great survival pattern when you’re three but it is an awful thing to still have that pattern controlling the way you relate to a boss or other authority figure. Keep repeating the childhood pattern and there goes your recognition, promotion and well deserved raises.

The ability to be an excellent “reader” of our parent's and teachers mental and emotional state is a good survival filter. The ability to notice and react to subtle behavioral cues may make you a great negotiator steer you away from con artists, and land you an excellent job in sales and marketing, but may also lead you to overreact and be overly suspicious in all of your relationships. It may prevent you from finding a mate or even keeping a long term job.

Less destructive filters can still be bothersome and limiting. Your filters may cause you to ignore constructive criticism, leaving you vulnerable to insincere flattery, and giving you a sense of superiority that will eventually lead to failure - think of all those contestants on American Idol who can't carry a tune in a bucket. Conversely, you may dismiss compliments and seek out criticism, causing you to choose partners who pick on your every mistake – just like your father did.

Your wiring, how your brain takes in and processes information, is the primary source of your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Let me say that again.
Far more than your current circumstances, your brain’s wiring is responsible for your interpretation of events and your reactions.
Instead of wasting time and energy trying to change your circumstances, your time and effort are better spent learning how to amend the associations and beliefs that have become your filters. By doing this you will find yourself in new circumstances, with much greater speed and ease.

You may turn yourself inside out desperately trying to find the “right” job or the “right” mate or to put away enough money to “feel secure.” Yet all the while, what you say, the people you associate with, and what you do consistently produces results you don’t want. You get angry or confused, blaming fate, circumstance and other people rather than looking at the real source of your misery. To an objective observer the fact that you are the one hitting yourself in the head with a brick is obvious. The person responsible for your circumstances is - YOU.

The Heart of the Matter

He had worked at UPS for 14 years by the time he needed the heart transplant. Not just words, these. I want you to stop and take a breath and think about this for a few minutes as you read. Think of your own heart and give it your thanks. Now consider what it might be like to have your chest sliced open, each rib cut through, and to be peeled open, to actually die as your heart is removed and a different heart, one that came from another person, placed inside you.

Think about that moment when, like a modern day Frankenstein’s monster, electricity jolts that heart to life, resurrecting you. Talking with a new rhythm to every single cell of your body. It’s alive!

When he recovered, Kevin didn’t want to go back to UPS. He had an urge to go to culinary school and so he made it happen. As I type these words, Kevin is being featured on Bobby Flay’s famous grilling chow on the food channel. Only two sentences were used to tell his story as he was introduced, but there is was. After the transplant, after the career change he found out that the donor heart he’s received was the heart of a chef.

Bobby and Kevin started grilling fish as if having one’s life reinvented by the desires in a dead man’s heart happens every day, and I came in here, tears stinging my eyes, marveling at the magnificent mysteries of life and death.

What wonders are right here in our daily lives and offhand experiences that we overlook...words that we've heard a thousand times that we never stop to consider the experience those words represent?

I hope that at least for today, after you read this post, you may be insopired to slow down, contemplate the mysteries before you...the falling leaves, glittering starts and the heart within each of us.